Idea: What to Do With Ollie and GMJ

The Mets are still in it.

The team’s record sits at 27-26, 3.5 games out of first place. They may not be a championship-caliber team, but the NL East is there for the taking. Beyond that, the National League itself can be had – the Cardinals are struggling, the Phillies can’t hit and the Padres are in first place in the NL West. The Padres?!?!

But before they go out and acquire a pitcher like Roy Oswalt – or even Kevin Millwood – the Mets need to do something about Oliver Perez and Gary Matthews Jr.

Unfortunately, each player is owed a hefty sum – so it’s not that easy to cut or trade either of them.

So here’s the plan: ROAD TRIP REALITY SHOW

It’s pretty simple, really. Everyone loves a road trip movie and reality shows are everywhere. It’s a slam dunk for SNY’s programming schedule.

At the end of tonight’s game in San Diego, the Mets will board a plane to New York. But Ollie and GMJ will not be on that plane.

The Setup:

Instead, our heroes (I use the term loosely) will be given the keys to a 1982 Buick Regal with no air conditioning. The car will be painted in Mets colors.

They have to drive back to New York – or TOWARDS New York, until their car dies. That’s when the fun begins.

The Rules:

  • Both players remain on the DL until they meet the Mets in a city for the start of a series.
  • No hotels. They can take turns sleeping and driving.*
  • Even if the Mets have moved on to another city, Ollie and GMJ are required to go to their next assigned city to pick up their next crappy car (painted in Mets colors, of course).
  • Once the car dies, Ollie and GMJ must find an alternate route to the next city. This includes – but is not limited to – hitchhiking, walking, trains, blimps, and skateboards.
  • If our heroes meet a Mets fan during their travels, they must apologize and then take the fan to dinner and apologize some more.
  • The entire thing will be filmed and aired on SNY. Kind of like Yankees Ultimate Road Trip.
  • At any time, either player can simply give up and forfeit the money owed to him by the Mets.

*It will be interesting to see if Ollie’s driving is as erratic as pitching. I don’t know how GMJ is going to sleep with Ollie doing 90 mph all over the highway.

John Fitzgerald is an independent film/TV producer. In 2007, he followed former Mets 2B Wally Backman and his minor league team for the TV show, "Playing for Peanuts." Click here for DVD ordering information NOTE: $5 from each sale goes to maintenance costs of
  1. mwarneridx June 2, 2010 at 4:39 pm
    You can't seriously think it's a good idea to let Ollie drive. If he was headed for the next city, he'd keep on missing it by a foot.
  2. John Fitzgerald June 2, 2010 at 4:56 pm
    The fear of riding shotgun with Ollie could be enough for GMJ to forfeit his contract. Worth a shot, no?
  3. hart June 2, 2010 at 5:08 pm
    There's only one flaw in your proposal: Ollie can't do 90 mph.
  4. John Fitzgerald June 3, 2010 at 1:34 am
    Soooo… MetsToday was down for about six hours today. There will be no open thread tonight.

    Just an FYI…

  5. Nick June 3, 2010 at 2:45 am
    D-Backs say Haren may be available. Any chance we make a package? Clean out the farm, sans Ike Davis, for Haren? Would you? He's not doing so great this season, you know what that means? Diiiiiiiscount

    Before you answer, tell yourself this a couple of times, Santana Haren Pelfrey, Santana Haren Pelfrey, Santana Haren Pelfrey

  6. Astromets June 3, 2010 at 3:10 am
    heres an idea – give them alcohol and the keys to very fast cars and insert them into a demolition derby. with jerry in the middle
  7. Astromets June 3, 2010 at 3:12 am
    not clean out the farm but make a good offer. Hold onto Kirk at the very least. And it would be Santana Pelfrey Haren
  8. Nick June 3, 2010 at 4:35 am
    okay, fiiine. I'll give in to those demands if we can put danny boy on the roster. Santana Pelfrey Haren it is. Though to be quite honest, at this stage of Santana's career, it might go Pelfrey Santana Haren. So there!
  9. Astromets June 3, 2010 at 4:57 am
    yeah I was thinking that too, but with the way he has pitched lately (last two starts especially) I don't think Pelf has passed him yet
  10. Astromets June 3, 2010 at 4:58 am
    so why not let ollie drive? anything that could cause him to get off the roster
  11. John Fitzgerald June 3, 2010 at 1:32 pm
    Unless I'm mistaken, he was hitting 91 on the radar gun in San Diego.
  12. Nick June 3, 2010 at 3:32 pm
    91 or 95 or 66mph, he just sucks. Lets face it. What is really disturbing about your observation is that if he is hitting 91, then what's Manuel's excuse now for Perez?
    Yes it helps to have a nasty curveball, or a 99 mph fastball, but tell me why guys like Tim Wakefield or Santana "now" (sans his customary 94-95mph fastball) can get guys outs through an entire game and even occasionally dominate a game? Pitcher vs. hitter is a chess match and Oliver Perez only knows how to play checkers. He's not good. The only way he was ever good was when somebody was breathing the confidence into him, same way my father used to me tell the moves to make on a chess board so I could beat him. I thought I was the chess champion until pops wasn't playing with me no more and I got my ass whooped by the bum at the park!