In case you missed it, you must read the explanation by Julian Tavarez, as to why he signed with the lowly Washington Nationals instead of a pennant-contending team.

“Why did I sign with the Nationals?” Tavarez said then. “When you go to a club until 4 a.m. and [are] just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J-Lo. And to me, this is Jennifer Lopez right here. It’s four in the morning. Too much to drink. All the girls look hot. So the Nationals are Jennifer Lopez to me.”

Hmm … so how many beers would the Nationals be? Are they a 5-beer team? 10-beer? 15-beer?

As if this story couldn’t get any funnier, here is another classic quote from the man who makes Manny Ramirez seem not too flaky.

If he makes the team, Tavarez wants to be a mentor to the young relievers such as Joel Hanrahan and Mike Hinckley.

“I’m going to be in the bullpen with those guys,” Tavarez said. “Whatever questions they ask, I’m happy to answer them. I want to tell them they have to be on time, they have to be there for the national anthem and for the first pitch. I have to get to know them, because I don’t want them to think because I’m a 16-year veteran I’m picking on them. I will not do that. When I was coming up in the Major Leagues, I was not treated like that.”

Um, yeah … if I have a stable full of young, impressionable pitchers, I’m welcoming in Julian Tavarez with open arms, and counting on him to be a mentor to them. Yeah. Exactly.

Good luck with that, Nats !

The Yankees have taken Cash directly from the Red Sox — Kevin Cash, that is. Fitting? Ironic? You make the call. In any case, yes, it’s true, the Yanks have signed backup catcher Kevin Cash.

Speaking of swiping backup backstops, the Washington Nationals signed Gustavo Molina — formerly of the New York Mets. Wait till they find out — as the Mets did — that Gustavo is NOT one of the “Molina catching brothers”, despite being named Molina, and despite being a catcher.

Further intriguing, the Nats also signed pitcher Gustavo Chacin. They now lead all of MLB in Gustavos. Meantime, the Mets no longer lead the league in Reyeses … Argenis has been released and Al is expected to sign elsewhere.

According to several reports, the Florida Marlins have traded righthander Scott Olsen and outfielder Josh Willingham to the Washington Nationals in exchange for second baseman Emilio Bonifacio and A-ballers P.J. Dean and Jake Smolinksi.

Strange deal, as you would think the Marlins would get more in return for the 24-year-old Olsen, and how exactly do the Nationals expect to benefit?

The Marlins’ acquisition of Bonifacio means that incumbent iron-handed second baseman Dan Uggla will either be dealt or moved to the outfield. For those who don’t know Bonifacio from a hole in the wall, he projects to be Eric Young with a better glove.

Smolinksi and Dean are both 19-year-olds with some upside but at least 2-3 years away from MLB. Neither is a “sure fire” prospect, with Dean probably slightly ahead after a strong season in the NY-Penn League. Smolinksi is a young version of Daniel Murphy — a kid who can hit for average, showing good patience at the plate and solid strike zone judgment, with questionable power potential, and without a position — playing both the outfield and 2B. A lot of projection here.

Since they’ve already made one deal with an NL East rival, perhaps the Marlins would be open to another one — moving Uggla to the Mets. I’d take his horrendous defense and .514 slugging percentage in a heartbeat.

As for the Nats, they get a sorely needed starting pitcher who can step in and anchor the front end of the rotation for the next five years. Personally I can’t stand Olsen but there aren’t many 24-year-olds with his experience and skillset. He fits right into that “bad boy” (read: spoiled rotten brats) collective under Manny Acta. I’m predicting a fistfight between Olsen and Elijah Dukes during spring training, with Lastings Milledge kicking Olsen in the ribs once Dukes wrestles him down.