Tommy’s Back – and I’m Gone

OK, Mr. Glavine … I apologize for Photoshopping a Thanksgiving turkey on your head. And I apologize for Photoshopping a giant screw in your hand. And I apologize for saying you were screwing the Mets. And I’m also sorry for all the other nasty things I might have written, and definitely thought over the last several weeks.

Welcome back … no hard feelings, right?

So, Tom Glavine is back on the Mets … not that he ever really left. I, however, am leaving — though just for two weeks. Great timing, eh? Yes, I’m leaving the country on the eve of the busiest time of the Hot Stove season, the Winter Meetings.

In case I have no internet access, here are my top 15 wishes for Omar during the Winter Meetings:

1. Please, do not trade Aaron Heilman.
2. Sign Barry Zito, but only for four years or less.
3. Make a deal for Freddy Garcia, without giving up the farm.
4. Do not make a deal for Javy Vazquez.
5. Go ahead and get rid of Lastings while he still has some value.
6. Sign Mark Loretta so he can platoon with the Stache.
7. Make a deal for Joe Blanton, without giving up Pelfrey, Humber, or Heilman.
8. Get Manny, if the best you give up is Milledge, and none of the arms in #7 are involved.
9. Don’t sign Julio Lugo.
10. Get Scott Linebrink and announce that Heilman is going into the rotation.
11. Sign J.C. Romero.
12. Sign Mark Mulder to an incentive-laden deal … even if you get Zito.
13. Sign Octavio Dotel to an incentive-laden deal as well.
14. Sign David Riske, if you don’t get Linebrink; proceed with the Heilman announcement.
15. If you don’t sign Loretta, see what Pokey Reese is up to … maybe he’d be interested in a spring training invite.

There you have it: fifteen easy propositions to fulfill in the next two weeks. Is it so much to ask?