Oxymoron of the Spring

You may know what an “oxymoron” is … it’s a a figure of speech that produces an incongruous, seemingly self-contradictory effect. Like “jumbo shrimp”, “cruel kindness”, “almost exactly”, “even odds”, “quiet storm” …

Or in the Mets’ case, “pitchers and catchers reporting”.

OK, we know the Mets have catchers — they sign one every other day — but can you name one of them? And that one you can name, I challenge you to also correctly spell his name. Further, if you are one of the diehards who can solve both mysteries, tell me if you remember any one of them as a starting catcher, for any club, at any level, for any length of time.

As for the pitchers, they have Johan Santana, and then … hmm … oh right, K-Rod … and … no one else I can think of, off the top of my head.

Yeah, there’s John Maine and Oliver Perez, but are they really “pitchers”? More like “throwers” who have a great game once in a while — often enough to keep that glint of hope glowing and the paychecks to keep coming. The rest of the “pitching staff” beyond those four is made up of people coming back from major surgeries, bottom-of-the-pile rejects, and a few guys from Japan.

Perhaps this is why there is so little excitement with the news that “pitchers and catchers reporting” this week in Port St. Lucie.