112 to Go
So Barroid Bonds has hit his 756th homerun.
Thought I’d let y’all know, in case you missed it. (Yeah, chance of that?)
Hopefully (NOT!) someone will show the glorious at-bat again sometime, for those of us who (purposely) missed it. Maybe ESPN will pull it out of the archives ten years from now and show it just one more time. Or, oh, maybe we’ll be really (un)lucky and they’ll show it once or twice on a TV channel somewhere today! Or, maybe someone posted it on YouTube! We can only hope …
I hate (love) to be the one to rain on San Francisco’s parade, but, um, the son of the drunk is 112 homeruns behind the actual all-time homerun king — Sadaharu Oh hit 868 homeruns in the Major League of Japan.
Why, those don’t count? Because the parks were smaller? (They weren’t any smaller than the parks MLB plays in today.) Because the pitchers weren’t as talented? (They weren’t any less talented than the slop throwers on mounds in 21st Century MLB.)
So there you go, Mr. ZMA — see if you can hang around long enough to hit another 112 to catch Oh, who has more class and integrity in his left pinky than you could even dream to have.
A More Fitting Ending
What I’d Do With the Ball
Rumor has it that a Mets fan from Queens caught the 756th homerun ball. Not sure what he’s going to do with it, but would you like to know what I’d do?
I’d call up and invite ESPN, FOX, NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN and every other news station under the sun to a special event involving the ball. When all the cameras started rolling, I’d take a syringe, inject the ball with gasoline, and then light it on fire.
That’s right — no money, no bidding wars, and most importantly, no place in the Hall of Fame for that tainted baseball. I’d burn the thing to a crisp, and make sure Barroid and the rest of the world had a chance to see it flame away into nothingness.
(Note: I just finished reading Fahrenheit 451)
Of course, Matt Murray won’t do that. He’ll likely put the thing in a glass case, have it authorized, blah blah blah, sell it to the highest bidder, pocket the dirty money, and eventually, the ball will find its way to Cooperstown. Too bad.