The Conclusion Jumper: Black Facts

The year was a bust and the next might be tougher. We’re all dying to hold on to Jose until his legs fall off and on top of that, the NL East competition promises to get even stiffer next season.

But before the debate rages about how our Mets will look in 2012 personnel-wise, let’s take a moment during these playoff games we have no part of to talk about fashion. Surely, the traditionalist pinstripe lovers (closet Yankee fans) and snow-white purists will blow their horns for the eradication of all things black and drop shadow, while others will extol the virtues of this year’s new but rarely seen cheesy bright blue Los Mets getups. But let’s consider the facts.

During the 2011 campaign the Mets couldn’t get out of their own way and came in eight games under .500. Do you know why? You can mention the rough start, Pelfrey’s inconsistencies, Ike and Murphy’s injuries (among others), or stretch and say the off-field Madoff business really cast doubt over the year. But you would be wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

The reason the 2011 Mets didn’t perform better was because they didn’t wear the black uniforms enough.

You want statistics? You love statistics, don’t ya?  Here you go:

2011 games played in black jerseys:              53
2011 games won in black jerseys:                  28
2011 games lost in black jerseys:                   25

2011 winning percentage in games played in black jerseys: .528%


Conclusion: For 2012 wear BLACK for the majority of the games and put drop shadow everywhere: layer it beneath the “TM” on the Mets baseball logo, use dark dirt under the bases, draw some across the players’ foreheads with eyeblack, and for good luck, slap a little Just For Men Mustache & Beard jet-black brush-in color gel on Keith’s upper lip. And fine—I’ll concede white unis on Friday nights only. And if it feels more old school for you, tear the names off the back; the way things are headed, I won’t know or care to know exactly who it is fumbling around out there anyway.

P.S. – I just realized how happy I am that I never have to listen to Fran Healy call a Met game ever again. Same goes for Seaver. He sure did like to say “big boy” a lot, didn’t he?

CM Gorey is a writer and musician from New York who lives in São Paulo, Brazil. A contributing writer for Time Out São Paulo magazine and online arts magazine Thalo, he is also a composer of TV and film soundtracks, and performer with the electro outfit White Light Lametta. Suffering from a distance, he watches slowly generated, pixelated Mets games on an old netbook. After careful consideration, he has to admit that the return to the classic uniforms was a smart choice, regardless of his penchant for black uniforms.
  1. MatthewA October 5, 2011 at 10:19 am
    Wait… The Mets only won only slight more than .5% of their games while wearing black. How is that an endorsement?

    A misplaced decimal point can create a lot of trouble, can’t it?

  2. Corey Gorey October 5, 2011 at 11:50 am
    Wait…you mean .005% or .05% or .5%? Or .00005% ? I’m sorry, my math skills suck big time. They finished .475% so…that’s…um….let’s see, now…a whole .058 percentage points higher isn’t it? Or not? Anybody get higher than a C- in 10th grade math?
  3. Corey Gorey October 5, 2011 at 12:10 pm
    Okay–so I think I’ve got it. According to my calculations, the black stats wouldn’t have been good for the wild card, but a conclusion jumping 85-76 record based on nothing but total and complete speculation would have been much more satisfying.

    For my next trick: what would the 2011 Mets’ record have been if Mike Pelfrey had a glossectomy?

    We can only guess (hiding behind nonsense statistical analysis, aka the numbers of “CJC”–conclusion jumping conjecture).

  4. TommyMetsfan October 5, 2011 at 12:57 pm
    Jumper Black Facts it’s a gas gas gas!
  5. Archimedes October 5, 2011 at 2:30 pm
    To help on the math front, you meant 52.8%. When turning it into a percentage, you have to move the decimal. Now give me some mirrors and I’ll help with the opposition in the outfield.
  6. Joe Janish October 5, 2011 at 10:31 pm
    Corey, I promise you if we make our fourth-quarter estimates, I will purchase a solar-powered, “company” calculator that you may use on an as-needed basis.

    Of course, I’m not sure that our estimates are correct, since we don’t yet have a calculator and I didn’t even dare TAKE 10th grade math.