10 Hates On the Phillies

Philadelphia baseball mascot the Phillie PhanaticIt’s completely normal for New York area fans to dislike Philadelphia sports teams. In fact, it’s a birthright — and my guess is that the feeling is mutual (Philly fans and NY sports teams). However, it used to be that the only team I really hated — with a passion — was the Braves. They won every stinking year, and did it so easily, without dramatics, and seemingly without effort. The Braves would collect maybe four hits in a game but somehow come away with a 6-2 victory, and the whole time we had to endure the condescending smiles of Larry and Andruw Jones, Bobby Cox, John Smoltz, Greg Maddux … the list goes on and on.

Though I still hate the Braves, they’re not as much a threat recently as the Phillies. Each day there’s another Phillie to hate a little bit more. Here’s my personal list.

I hate …

1. Shane Victorino, aka “the flyin’ Hawaiian”. He reminds me of David Eckstein — a tiny, overachieving pest who always seems to be in the middle of a rally.

2. Chase Utley – because he’s so damned … perfect. Yeah, it’s jealousy, but jealousy and hatred go hand-in-hand. And that smirk when he’s beating you … reminds me of Greg Maddux and the Jones boys.

3. Adam Eaton – because it’s frustrating as heck to be dominated by the worst starting pitcher in National League history.

4. Ryan Howard, because a.) like Utley, I’m jealous; and b.) he’s so hard to hate.

5. Charlie Manuel – the Lt. Columbo of managers, a disheveled, dumpy character who appears to be a moron but somehow wins in the end.

6. Jimmy Rollins – I’d love this guy if he couldn’t walk the walk, but he can. His squawking and reprehensible confidence level (what have the Phillies ever won, anyway?) is annoying enough, but the fact he backs up his words … well, it’s unnerving.

7. Antonio Alfonseca – because I have a prejudice against polydactyls with pot bellies … so sue me.

8. J.C. Romero – because a middle reliever who gets released outright, in this day and age, has no business pitching as effectively as he is right now. (Unless that pitcher is Guillermo Mota, the year is 2006, and he’s on steroids.)

9. Pat Burrell – 38 career homers and 97 RBI against the Mets. Do I need another reason?

10 The Phillie Phanatic – because he is the ugliest and most annoying mascot in the history of sport. We need John Stearns to come back to the coaching staff to tackle that atrocious thing, in the same way he brought down and pummeled Chief Noc-A-Homa way back when.

Honorable Mention:
Cole Hamels – because a punk kid with 23 career wins shouldn’t have the audacity to be so cocky. Pitch a complete year without visiting the DL, or win 20 games in a season, before walking around like you’re the second coming.

Who are your hates from Philly? List ’em in the comments.

Joe Janish began MetsToday in 2005 to provide the unique perspective of a high-level player and coach -- he earned NCAA D-1 All-American honors as a catcher and coached several players who went on to play pro ball. As a result his posts often include mechanical evaluations, scout-like analysis, and opinions that go beyond the numbers. Follow Joe's baseball tips on Twitter at @onbaseball and at the On Baseball Google Plus page.
  1. phillyPhan August 30, 2007 at 12:16 am
    I hate

    1. that the ‘Amazins’ pretty much bought out the market last year and forgot their below .500 finishes from previous years.

    2. that they cannot acknowledge the fact that Philly pretty much lost most of their core over the season and still is within hitting distance of first place.

    3. that some of their better players are actually disgruntled former Phillies.

    4. that they refuse to acknowledge thy’re only next to the Yankees as spenders but prefer to blame their lack of returns to the opponents’ luck.

  2. joe August 30, 2007 at 9:22 am
    c’mon, phillyPhan, you can do better than that !

    and only 4 ?

    While you have the creative juices flowing in putting together another six, try to be less ornery. If you noticed, half of my hates are actually compliments and outright jealousy.

    Also, check your facts. Endy Chavez and Marlon Anderson are bench players — not “some of our better players” — and Billy Wagner is hardly disgruntled. And the Mets are behind the Red Sox as far as spending goes … in fact the Phillies are closer to the Mets than the Mets are to the Yankees when it comes to that issue.

  3. isuzudude August 30, 2007 at 3:53 pm
    I hate that damn PH that the phillies have to tag on to everything. The best t-shirt at a baseball game I ever saw read Phuck the Phillies.

    I also hate Harry Kalas. The guy talks so slow the inning is already over by the time he’s finished talking about the first at-bat.

  4. joe August 31, 2007 at 11:51 am
    wow i almost forgot about Kalas ! him and the guy that does the Braves games (Skip Caray?) sound like brothers
  5. joey September 4, 2010 at 7:47 am
    phuuuuuuuuuuuuck youse
  6. Corey Chapman October 5, 2010 at 3:50 pm
    pot belly is sometimes very annoying, it make you looks quite fan;:’
  7. phuck the phillies October 6, 2010 at 9:49 pm
    because roy halladay just pitched a no hitter against the reds. good for him but phuck the phillies. lets get real. the mets announcers have so much respect for the game and the players and the phillies fans and announcers…don’t.
  8. baseball fan October 13, 2010 at 5:13 pm
    lol #9! hopefully u can put ur hate 4 pat burrel aside and root 4 him 2 get sum revenge on the phillies!!